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What we have to realize is that the people we love — after experiencing some major bout of loss — are different now. They aren’t the same. And they never will be. This experience is going to change them forever. And that’s okay.
If we want to be in their lives, then it is our job as the friends, family, and even acquaintances of people in deep grief to step up and be present for them. To love them whether they are ready to be loved or not. To do things with care. To create space for them to feel, grieve, talk, cry, whatever.
So many of us fear to go into these deep and dark places with others. It’s a shame. Because as a friend of a griever, these are the worst things you can do:
- Say nothing. People often say nothing because they are afraid of reminding the person of their pain or saying the wrong thing.
- Do nothing. Supporting friends and family through tough times is like anything in life, you have to back up your words with actions to show people you really care.
- Say the right thing at the wrong time. Don’t tell someone that you don’t believe in an afterlife after their child just died. Don’t urge someone to find meaning in their pain 5 minutes after their brother gets shot. Don’t tell someone who just lost a parent that you lost your cat once. Save that for a later time when…
